Written by Aimee Wheeler

The scene is pretty easy to visualize. One child is playing with a toy and the next moment your child has taken it away. Let the screaming begin.

Before you start having those “Oh no! My child is a grabby, toy hogging bully!” thoughts, let’s look at the positive. When children first begin this behavior it is a great sign developmentally. It means they are confident enough in themselves to start exerting their will in social situations. That being said it is our job as parents to guide them through the predicament of one toy and two wants.

I usually see parents try to resolve this issue in whatever manner is going to result in the least amount of crying, which is understandable but not always the best solution. Most likely the child who had the toy is given a new toy and soothed while the child who took the toy gets to keep it. But what is the lesson learned by both children? The child who had the toy is learning it is okay for people to take things from him and ultimately to be a victim. At the same time it reinforces for the child who took the toy that her behavior is acceptable and rewarded. Instead, I suggest you find out who had the toy first and return the toy to that child. Give a new toy to the second child and try to sooth her through redirection and, if she is old enough, by helping her to ask to play with the toy when the other child is done. This will teach them that it is not okay for people to take your things and ultimately how to get what they want in a more socially acceptable way.

It is hard to always have your wits about you when you are feeling like the referee in an Ultimate Fighting match but this is just one more example of how important it is to stop and ask yourself, “What am I trying to teach my child and are my actions truly accomplishing that?”