Written by Aimee Wheeler

As if figuring out how we want to parent isn’t challenging enough, many of us have got to also figure out who will take care of our children when we are not around. Trying to find the “right” person is no easy task.  As new parents, many of us are unsure of ourselves. And when we hire a nanny, we think they must know what they are doing since they have taken care of more kids than I have.  While that may be true, they have never taken care of your child and that is the difference.  Even if you are a complete rookie, you need to pay close attention to that little voice inside of you that is telling you if this is the right or wrong person.  I know that can be challenging, especially in the hectic and emotionally charged search for a nanny.  But if you truly listen to your instinct and the cues your child is giving you, you will know when a caregiver is right for your family.

So how do you find the right person?  First, you have to spend some time getting clear on your values as a parent, which can be tough considering you are just starting out at this.  Start by asking yourself questions like:

•    Do I want my child on a schedule or is it preferable for him to eat and sleep on demand?
•    Is it important to me to have someone who is exceptionally responsive to my child’s cries or is it okay for her to cry it out?
•    How and where do I want my baby to go to sleep?
•    Is it important to me that my child be worn in a sling frequently?
•    Am I committed to exclusively breastfeeding or is it okay to supplement with formula?

As you interview, look for people who will be supportive of those choices.  You want a caregiver who will not just go through the motions of your parenting style but who philosophically agrees with you. This way, the caregivers’ actions are genuine.  Your baby will pick up on this and that is how your child will know it is safe to trust this person.  If your nanny doesn’t agree with how you parent or is encouraging you to go against your parenting values, she’ll be communicating it not just to you but to your baby as well through her actions.  At best, that will be confusing for your child. More likely, it will keep him from attaching to the person who is there to care for him.

If you are clear about how you want your child cared for you will find it much easier to sort through candidates for the job.  You’ll also find that candidates may self select themselves out of the running if you are able to be very direct about your caregiving style…. ahhhhhh the beauty of self selection.  The right candidate should also rise to the top very quickly.  They don’t have to do things exactly as you do, but they must agree with you on principle and from there you can learn from each other.